Let me illustrate that metaphor with a real-life example:
I was recently working with a client who had commissioned me to help her weather the upheaval of finishing a three-year relationship that she wanted to leave behind.

She found the strength to call an end to the relationship, even though it felt unsettling. It was during our third session that she described her plan to avoid making contact with her ex for the next 30 days.

Up to a point, this intention made sense, in terms of her making a clean break of it, going cold turkey on contact that had become familiar.

The drawback of this plan was not immediately apparent to her, and yet it would set her up to keep in her sights what she was trying to leave behind. In a week's time, she would potentially be saying to herself "I've done well, I haven't spoken to him for seven days".

Her week ahead will have become defined by what did or did not happen with her ex. That's like someone trying to quit smoking filling their days with checking whether they have managed to stay away from a cigarette.

I suggested that she could re-cast the next 30 days in terms of the life she was seeking to usher in for herself, where she would be enjoying her growing autonomy on her own terms.

We agreed that she would keep a different kind of tick-it-off calendar: she was to choose a treat for herself for each of the next 30 days, so that she had something positive and uplifting to look forward to and make real each day.

SPACIOUS SPACING for bullet points

• #1
  
  
• #2
  
  
• #3
  
  
• #4

• #5
  
  
• #6
  
  
• #7
  
  

CONCLUSION

TEXT

TEXT

1. You recognise the opportunity after the event. D'oh! This is the warm-up phase. Every time you recognise an opportunity in retrospect, congratulate yourself, because you're getting better at spotting them.
   
   
2. You stop yourself mid-sentence, because you're just heard yourself turning down something wonderful / helpful.
   
   
3. You hear yourself *about* to turn down something helpful / wonderful, and replace what you were about to say with your new default welcome: 'Yes, thank you'.
   
   
4. You start to see opportunities coming (rather than once they begin to slip away) and are ready to embrace them.
   
   
5. The new default has taken root, and it's now normal for you to embrace kindness and generosity flowing towards you. You genuinely enjoy and appreciate it as the regular way that things happen in your world.

P.S. I will describe the 'Stepping out to get a larger view' manoeuvre in another post soon, and will add a link as soon as this is live.