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Testimonials: Relationships

"The sea-change in our relationship is so profound"
Jared Hendrickson
Father, Artist, Teacher, Rock Star

"The work we've done with you is incredibly valuable. [Even while other things are proving challenging], all of the work that M and I have done with you seems to remain as strong and effective with us as ever.

Not sure how I can thank you enough."
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"I came to Margarita as a skeptic. As is the case for most of us, for much of my life I've been embroiled in behavioral issues that seemed both repetitive and deeply entrenched, a loop unchanged, and more importantly, unchangeable.

I'd been through Freudian, Jungian and other approaches to therapy on and off for years, and though I became adept at telling "my story", I never actually gained any real insight into why I did the things I did or how to change them, never found solace with any of the talk therapy approaches I'd tried. As one therapist said at one point, I was being behaved by my emotions, and though I knew I wanted to find new coping mechanisms, I was at a loss as to know how I could move forward.

Without encumbering my recommendation with details of how I came under Margarita's wing, suffice it to say that because of issues that my wife and I have been dealing with in our marriage, I contacted Margarita in search of help. I wasn't convinced that there was an answer in therapy that I hadn't heard already, but I went.

From the start, Margarita's approach was clearly different. Though the exact alchemy of how she does what she does is hard to explain, the results have been astounding. Her approach is profoundly compassionate, sometimes engaging in role play, sometimes asking me to cast back to deeper memories than I knew existed. She looks at each issue both directly and indirectly, illuminating a path with both insightful ease and grace. She's clearly extremely experienced yet she carries that knowledge lightly, with a sense of wonder and pleasure. She clearly enjoys the process of discovery as much as my wife and I do and each session is challenging yet exciting, filled with utterly unexpected treasures knotted up inside the tangled nests of our lives.

Perhaps most crucially though, throughout every session and at every turn, I felt seen, understood and respected. Margarita challenged me to push further, but I was held in a safe place where it was possible to explore some of the thorniest issues of my past. Without that sense of unequivocal safety, there's no chance that one would ever want to journey very far.

My wife and I walk out of Margarita's sessions happier, more patient and somehow more balanced, able to work through our issues together more effectively, but most importantly, compassionately. We see each other anew, and after twenty years that's a challenge!

I described Margarita's approach to therapy as alchemical. There are official names for each approach and technique she uses, but the magic of it all is that you never see that because you're too involved in the journey, a journey that's empowering and transformational and incredibly effective.

There's much work to do, but I don't feel like I'm being "behaved by my emotions" any more which is amazing! I can actually see the path for the first time in my life, and that only came from working with Margarita who has helped make transformational change in my (our) life. I can not recommend her highly enough."
"The effect has been astonishing"
Margaret P - Wife and Mother

"It VERY quickly became clear that Margarita has a unique gift for tapping into a part of both of us as individuals that neither of us had known or even cared to know. Then she introduced those parts of us to each other. Sounds simple (and a little bizarre, I know) but the effect has been astonishing.

Margarita has a real gift for getting to the heart of things. My husband and I went to see her for a half-dozen sessions and I honestly can't imagine a better investment in our family's future.

Our teenaged son said the other day, "Aw, you guys are so cute!" and I realised that it's been a long time since he'd seen us that way. I highly recommend Margarita's coaching skills - plus she's warm, funny and kind. What more could one want?!
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"At first my husband and I came to Margarita because we were in crisis. There were danger signs I'd ignored or minimised over several months, but I had a feeling that this wasn't going to end well. When it inevitably blew up, we did what we'd done at other times of crisis in our 20-year marriage: we asked for help. In the past, the choice was stark: call a counsellor or call a lawyer. This time wasn't that kind of acute but it was one of a long string of mini-crises that were, frankly, wearing me down.

Coming to Margarita was a leap into the unknown, because I wasn't at all familiar with her style or method of coaching. But it VERY quickly became clear that she has a unique gift for tapping into a part of both of us as individuals that neither of us had known or even cared to know. Then Margarita introduced those parts of us to each other. Sounds simple (and a little bizarre, I know) but the effect has been astonishing.

The most prominent symptom of our marital difficulties has always been a tendency to snap at each other, to assume the worst motive in the other during any kind of conflict, large or small (especially small!). But now, having met (and cared for) the vulnerable versions of each other, we both find ourselves stopping before snapping, asking ourselves if it's really likely that the other is being THAT much of an asshole for no reason. Again, it sounds simple, but the effect – day-on-day – is a lightening of the whole household. And with each swept-aside assumption reinforcing the narrative that we've been seeing – projecting – the worst in each other for no damned reason whatsoever, it gets easier to see it clearly the next time.

It's been some months now since we had our last top-up session and, frankly, there's still work to be done. As with any important change which takes practice, once you start skipping a few opportunities to exercise your new skills, the old habits start creeping back in… But I never thought we could be on the other side of the issue: I had honestly thought we'd go on in casual misery for the rest of our lives, loving each other but not liking, trusting or respecting each other very much. Because of our sessions with Margarita, I know now that the second half of that sentence is just a matter of practice and constructive work. Even knowing that lightens the load.

I think we had six sessions with Margarita (astonishingly!) and we'll need a few more in the future, but I honestly can't imagine a better investment in our family's future. Our 14-year old son said the other day, "Aw, you guys are so cute!" and I realised that it's been a long time since he'd seen us that way."
- Sigmund Freud
"Freedom is the ability to want what you really want."
Falling in Love Again
Daniel and Nadya [names changed] used couple coaching to help them:

  • Get to the root causes of fidelity issues in their union, and shift the patterns that had led to dischord

  • Experience each other on a deeper level, reigniting their curiosity about each other

  • Dare to share their vulnerabilities

  • Learn to hold mutually generous and supportive conversations

  • Embrace new approaches to incorporate fun and play into their daily lives

  • Renew their commitment to each other and excitement about their life together
Read the Full Case Study ▼
Daniel and Nadya [names changed] asked for my help because they had long struggled with issues around fidelity, which were now threatening to tear apart their marriage of 12 years.

They were both clear they still loved each other, and were determined to find a way to resolve the issues causing conflict.

Despite the tensions between them, there was a foundation of strong connection and great compatibility between them.

As I usually do in my work with couples, I began by setting up one session with each of them separately, in order to hear their individual perspectives more fully, and to allow us to build trust for the work to come.

We then spent several sessions in a transitional format, where I conducted an in-depth conversation with one of them, in the presence of the other. In this way, by taking turns, each of them got the chance to get deeply heard and understood, and to make new discoveries about what had played into their behaviour and choices. This format took the pressure off for both of them, as I was guiding the process very closely to maintain a safe and supportive environment. Both Daniel and Nadya commented on how this resulted in them arriving at a clearer sense of what had been happening for them, and learning new things about each other. With the help of these new realisations, they were able to gradually switch from feeling embattled to a feeling of mutual compassion and understanding.

As the rapport between Daniel and Nadya grew stronger, they could increasingly hold mutually generous and supportive conversations. This meant that our sessions could shift from one witnessing my conversation with the other, towards them relating directly with each other in a newly harmonious and appreciative style.

Over the course of 9 weekly sessions, Daniel and Nadya were able to reveal the underlying (and previously unrecognised) causes of the patterns that had complicated their marriage, address these causes, and learn new skills for relating with each other more effectively.

One year on, Daniel and Nadya report that their marriage has continued strong since our work concluded, with no further significant challenges to their partnership.
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