Testimonials: Relationships

"I came to Margarita as a skeptic. As is the case for most of us, for much of my life I've been embroiled in behavioral issues that seemed both repetitive and deeply entrenched, a loop unchanged, and more importantly, unchangeable.

I'd been through Freudian, Jungian and other approaches to therapy on and off for years, and though I became adept at telling "my story", I never actually gained any real insight into why I did the things I did or how to change them, never found solace with any of the talk therapy approaches I'd tried. As one therapist said at one point, I was being behaved by my emotions, and though I knew I wanted to find new coping mechanisms, I was at a loss as to know how I could move forward.

Without encumbering my recommendation with details of how I came under Margarita's wing, suffice it to say that because of issues that my wife and I have been dealing with in our marriage, I contacted Margarita in search of help. I wasn't convinced that there was an answer in therapy that I hadn't heard already, but I went.

From the start, Margarita's approach was clearly different. Though the exact alchemy of how she does what she does is hard to explain, the results have been astounding. Her approach is profoundly compassionate, sometimes engaging in role play, sometimes asking me to cast back to deeper memories than I knew existed. She looks at each issue both directly and indirectly, illuminating a path with both insightful ease and grace. She's clearly extremely experienced yet she carries that knowledge lightly, with a sense of wonder and pleasure. She clearly enjoys the process of discovery as much as my wife and I do and each session is challenging yet exciting, filled with utterly unexpected treasures knotted up inside the tangled nests of our lives.

Perhaps most crucially though, throughout every session and at every turn, I felt seen, understood and respected. Margarita challenged me to push further, but I was held in a safe place where it was possible to explore some of the thorniest issues of my past. Without that sense of unequivocal safety, there's no chance that one would ever want to journey very far.

My wife and I walk out of Margarita's sessions happier, more patient and somehow more balanced, able to work through our issues together more effectively, but most importantly, compassionately. We see each other anew, and after twenty years that's a challenge!

I described Margarita's approach to therapy as alchemical. There are official names for each approach and technique she uses, but the magic of it all is that you never see that because you're too involved in the journey, a journey that's empowering and transformational and incredibly effective.

There's much work to do, but I don't feel like I'm being "behaved by my emotions" any more which is amazing! I can actually see the path for the first time in my life, and that only came from working with Margarita who has helped make transformational change in my (our) life. I can not recommend her highly enough."

Daniel and Nadya [names changed] asked for my help because they had long struggled with issues around fidelity, which were now threatening to tear apart their marriage of 12 years.

They were both clear they still loved each other, and were determined to find a way to resolve the issues causing conflict.

Despite the tensions between them, there was a foundation of strong connection and great compatibility between them.

As I usually do in my work with couples, I began by setting up one session with each of them separately, in order to hear their individual perspectives more fully, and to allow us to build trust for the work to come.

We then spent several sessions in a transitional format, where I conducted an in-depth conversation with one of them, in the presence of the other. In this way, by taking turns, each of them got the chance to get deeply heard and understood, and to make new discoveries about what had played into their behaviour and choices. This format took the pressure off for both of them, as I was guiding the process very closely to maintain a safe and supportive environment. Both Daniel and Nadya commented on how this resulted in them arriving at a clearer sense of what had been happening for them, and learning new things about each other. With the help of these new realisations, they were able to gradually switch from feeling embattled to a feeling of mutual compassion and understanding.

As the rapport between Daniel and Nadya grew stronger, they could increasingly hold mutually generous and supportive conversations. This meant that our sessions could shift from one witnessing my conversation with the other, towards them relating directly with each other in a newly harmonious and appreciative style.

Over the course of 9 weekly sessions, Daniel and Nadya were able to reveal the underlying (and previously unrecognised) causes of the patterns that had complicated their marriage, address these causes, and learn new skills for relating with each other more effectively.

One year on, Daniel and Nadya report that their marriage has continued strong since our work concluded, with no further significant challenges to their partnership.