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How to Know What You Want

Confidence Dating

Photo by Christian Lue on Unsplash

Knowing what you want should be the easiest thing in the world, right? 

You just know… Right?...

If that’s not been true for you - now’s a good time to heave a huge sigh of relief!

Because I’m here to say: It’s incredibly common for people to not know what they want. You’re so not alone!

How does it feel to not know what you want? Baffling, frustrating, miserable? Alienating, embarrassing?

I’ve been there. I’ve felt all the feels. 👆 

Here’s the good news: It’s not the end of the road. 
There’s a lot you can do to help yourself figure it out! Because it takes figuring out.

So how you do figure it out?

My favourite first way in on this comes from the book ‘The Path of Least Resistance’ by Robert Fritz.

Here’s his super-simple test:
“If you could have THIS, would you take it?”

As in, if you could have whatever-it-is, just for the taking, as if it were being served to you on a silver platter - would you take it?

Photo by Kate Townsend on Unsplash

If you’re suddenly frightened that your list of wishes will turn out painfully long - just think, you have a lifetime ahead, enough time to see them come true!

I repeat: anything that you would take and bring into your life belongs on your Wish List, at least for now. Because you’re also allowed to change your mind on this as you go.

I adore how flexible this test is!
You can apply it to almost any aspect of your life!

Photo by Brannon Naito on Unsplash

The question people often ask me next is:

How do I know if something I think I want is REALLY something I WANT? 
How do I know that it’s something I truly want for myself, and not in order to please someone else (like my mum, or whoever)?

That’s a really powerful question! 

Because most of us care about what would make others happy, too, and not just ourselves. And that can make things complicated…

The simplest test that I know for this is to check in your body.

Here’s how you do that:

Pick one thing from your draft Wish List, close your eyes a minute, and imagine that you have this thing, it’s arrived, it’s here. It’s your new reality.

Now turn your attention to how your body feels in this version of reality.

  • Are you feeling lighter? 
  • Is your breathing coming slow, relaxed, expansive?
  • Is a sense of contentment and ease spreading through your limbs?

If the answer in your body to these questions is Yes, then that’s all the approval you need.

If something you’re considering isn’t bringing you that sense of ease and delight, maybe it’s not high on your list of wishes. That’s Okay. 

(Admittedly, you may have to do something about any feelings of guilt that may turn up at this point… soz, truth isn’t always as we’d like it, or as it “should” be.)

That’s as much as I can cover in a short blog post. Hope this is helpful for you.

If you get further questions, ping me a line. Maybe I’ll answer in a future blog post - your questions encourage me to keep writing! 🙏