Real Experiences

"Having lived abroad for a number of years, where life was intense and rich with new experiences, returning to the UK I was faced with a slower pace of life and confronted with the idea that I needed to meet new people.

It was a confusing time of addressing what I wanted to do with my life, whether I was making the right choices, how to be a confident and outgoing individual again in my home country.

I felt my inner critic was taking over my mind in social settings, I became way too acutely aware of what other people would think of me. Walking into a bar on my own wasn't something I ever wanted to do. Furthermore, I was conscious that I was stepping up into a managerial role at work, and as a quite shy individual, I needed to find the confidence to contribute at this higher level."

"I had talked to my friends, who were always incredibly supportive, but nothing beyond that."

"In all honesty, I just wasn't sure if coaching with a psychology slant was for me.
What would I get out of it? Did I really need to dig deep into my feelings or were they simply trivial everyday problems that did not require professional guidance?

Not once did this misgiving appear throughout the time you were coaching me, and actually, the deep dive into my feelings revealed a lot more than I had expected."

"You were recommended to me by a friend. The energy in his voice, the way he described how he felt afterwards was captivating and enlightening. I felt that I wanted to also be like that."

"In social settings, I do not even think about my insecurities anymore. My inner voice and critic has been wiped from my mind. Instead of thinking about what others are thinking of me, I own my quietness or my questions or my interaction. If I am quiet, it's because I am listening carefully. If I am louder, it is because I have something valuable to say, not because the space needs filling.

None of the social settings as before hold me back now, I can confidently walk into anywhere on my own. I can confidently talk to strangers around me anywhere I go. I feel like the person I have become is stronger and whilst there will always be low moments, that active part of my life remains like I never had any insecurities there.

I always came out of my coaching sessions glowing and feeling empowered. I cannot thank you enough for that feeling and how it extended into my life."

Allison [name changed] asked me to help her with calling an end to a relationship of five years, that she was clear she was unhappy in.

Even though Allison was the one choosing to end the relationship, she was fearful of how she would handle the break-up. She worried she would struggle with low mood in the aftermath, as a newly single woman.

Beyond dealing with the emotional demands of going through with the break-up, Allison wanted to move on from some recurring patterns in her romantic relationships, so she could have a truly new kind of relationship on the next round.

With my help, Allison identified the aspects of breaking up that felt the hardest to her, so we could shift both her mental perspective and her emotional experience of these. As a result, Allison spoke with surprise of how easily she was navigating the up-and-downs that generally follow splitting up.

Once Allison had got over the immediate aftermath of ending her previous relationship, we discussed how she had approached dating in the past, and what she wanted for her next romantic relationship. Allison developed a clear, detailed portrait of the kind of person she would want to bring into her life.

Next, we made sure she knew, both mentally and emotionally, what this person would appreciate about her, so that she would feel on the level with this very desirable potential partner. We checked which of the skills relevant to dating Allison needed to boost, in order to have an enjoyable time with dating, and addressed those that she felt were her weakest link.

Over the course of six weekly sessions, Allison prepared for announcing her break-up, weathered the emotional roller-coaster, got to grips with her new single status, and made ready to date enjoyably.

"I came to Margarita as a skeptic. As is the case for most of us, for much of my life I've been embroiled in behavioral issues that seemed both repetitive and deeply entrenched, a loop unchanged, and more importantly, unchangeable.

I'd been through Freudian, Jungian and other approaches to therapy on and off for years, and though I became adept at telling "my story", I never actually gained any real insight into why I did the things I did or how to change them, never found solace with any of the talk therapy approaches I'd tried. As one therapist said at one point, I was being behaved by my emotions, and though I knew I wanted to find new coping mechanisms, I was at a loss as to know how I could move forward.

Without encumbering my recommendation with details of how I came under Margarita's wing, suffice it to say that because of issues that my wife and I have been dealing with in our marriage, I contacted Margarita in search of help. I wasn't convinced that there was an answer in therapy that I hadn't heard already, but I went.

From the start, Margarita's approach was clearly different. Though the exact alchemy of how she does what she does is hard to explain, the results have been astounding. Her approach is profoundly compassionate, sometimes engaging in role play, sometimes asking me to cast back to deeper memories than I knew existed. She looks at each issue both directly and indirectly, illuminating a path with both insightful ease and grace. She's clearly extremely experienced yet she carries that knowledge lightly, with a sense of wonder and pleasure. She clearly enjoys the process of discovery as much as my wife and I do and each session is challenging yet exciting, filled with utterly unexpected treasures knotted up inside the tangled nests of our lives.

Perhaps most crucially though, throughout every session and at every turn, I felt seen, understood and respected. Margarita challenged me to push further, but I was held in a safe place where it was possible to explore some of the thorniest issues of my past. Without that sense of unequivocal safety, there's no chance that one would ever want to journey very far.

My wife and I walk out of Margarita's sessions happier, more patient and somehow more balanced, able to work through our issues together more effectively, but most importantly, compassionately. We see each other anew, and after twenty years that's a challenge!

I described Margarita's approach to therapy as alchemical. There are official names for each approach and technique she uses, but the magic of it all is that you never see that because you're too involved in the journey, a journey that's empowering and transformational and incredibly effective.

There's much work to do, but I don't feel like I'm being "behaved by my emotions" any more which is amazing! I can actually see the path for the first time in my life, and that only came from working with Margarita who has helped make transformational change in my (our) life. I can not recommend her highly enough."

"At first my husband and I came to Margarita because we were in crisis. There were danger signs I'd ignored or minimised over several months, but I had a feeling that this wasn't going to end well. When it inevitably blew up, we did what we'd done at other times of crisis in our 20-year marriage: we asked for help. In the past, the choice was stark: call a counsellor or call a lawyer. This time wasn't that kind of acute but it was one of a long string of mini-crises that were, frankly, wearing me down.

Coming to Margarita was a leap into the unknown, because I wasn't at all familiar with her style or method of coaching. But it VERY quickly became clear that she has a unique gift for tapping into a part of both of us as individuals that neither of us had known or even cared to know. Then Margarita introduced those parts of us to each other. Sounds simple (and a little bizarre, I know) but the effect has been astonishing.

The most prominent symptom of our marital difficulties has always been a tendency to snap at each other, to assume the worst motive in the other during any kind of conflict, large or small (especially small!). But now, having met (and cared for) the vulnerable versions of each other, we both find ourselves stopping before snapping, asking ourselves if it's really likely that the other is being THAT much of an asshole for no reason. Again, it sounds simple, but the effect – day-on-day – is a lightening of the whole household. And with each swept-aside assumption reinforcing the narrative that we've been seeing – projecting – the worst in each other for no damned reason whatsoever, it gets easier to see it clearly the next time.

It's been some months now since we had our last top-up session and, frankly, there's still work to be done. As with any important change which takes practice, once you start skipping a few opportunities to exercise your new skills, the old habits start creeping back in… But I never thought we could be on the other side of the issue: I had honestly thought we'd go on in casual misery for the rest of our lives, loving each other but not liking, trusting or respecting each other very much. Because of our sessions with Margarita, I know now that the second half of that sentence is just a matter of practice and constructive work. Even knowing that lightens the load.

I think we had six sessions with Margarita (astonishingly!) and we'll need a few more in the future, but I honestly can't imagine a better investment in our family's future. Our 14-year old son said the other day, "Aw, you guys are so cute!" and I realised that it's been a long time since he'd seen us that way."

Daniel and Nadya [names changed] asked for my help because they had long struggled with issues around fidelity, which were now threatening to tear apart their marriage of 12 years.

They were both clear they still loved each other, and were determined to find a way to resolve the issues causing conflict.

Despite the tensions between them, there was a foundation of strong connection and great compatibility between them.

As I usually do in my work with couples, I began by setting up one session with each of them separately, in order to hear their individual perspectives more fully, and to allow us to build trust for the work to come.

We then spent several sessions in a transitional format, where I conducted an in-depth conversation with one of them, in the presence of the other. In this way, by taking turns, each of them got the chance to get deeply heard and understood, and to make new discoveries about what had played into their behaviour and choices. This format took the pressure off for both of them, as I was guiding the process very closely to maintain a safe and supportive environment. Both Daniel and Nadya commented on how this resulted in them arriving at a clearer sense of what had been happening for them, and learning new things about each other. With the help of these new realisations, they were able to gradually switch from feeling embattled to a feeling of mutual compassion and understanding.

As the rapport between Daniel and Nadya grew stronger, they could increasingly hold mutually generous and supportive conversations. This meant that our sessions could shift from one witnessing my conversation with the other, towards them relating directly with each other in a newly harmonious and appreciative style.

Over the course of 9 weekly sessions, Daniel and Nadya were able to reveal the underlying (and previously unrecognised) causes of the patterns that had complicated their marriage, address these causes, and learn new skills for relating with each other more effectively.

One year on, Daniel and Nadya report that their marriage has continued strong since our work concluded, with no further significant challenges to their partnership.

Tina [name changed] came to me because she wanted to get better at showcasing her strengths at job interviews. She had been searching for a new job for several months and was beginning to feel she needed to bring something new into the mix to ensure success.

During our coaching session, Tina revealed that she tended to feel flustered at interviews, which made her sound nervous and mousey. She really wished she could feel peaceful confidence instead, so her abilities could shine through.

We worked on how she could feel more grounded, using a combination of coaching, Psychosynthesis psychology and Taoist visualisation techniques. She left with a strong sense of spaciousness and peace within.

Things moved very quickly after that: in half an hour, Tina texted me to say she'd been invited to an interview for the next day, for the job she wanted the most among those she'd recently applied for.

The next day at lunchtime, another text from Tina: "I've got the job! This is amazing! From nowhere to a job in less than 24 hours! Wow! Thanks!"

"The guidance I've received from Margarita has been positively life-changing. After each session I enjoy with her, I end up with another glorious nugget of self-realisation that has a profound impact on my mental wellbeing and my day-to-day life.

Ahead of my first taste of psycho-synthesis with Margarita, I was experiencing a constant tightness in the head and chest, stress and burn-out. All of that has almost completely disappeared. I'm very confident it isn't just fleeting relief. That's because the depth of introspection she has navigated me through has astonishingly revealed some fundamental truths about my identity, behaviours, beliefs and desires. But, Margarita's magic doesn't end with that enlightening analysis.

She's enabled me to devise better ways of being. For example, we were able to pinpoint that I had a propensity to treat others with a degree of compassion I wasn't affording myself. Instead, I was continually punishing myself, which caused stress. Using role play, she helped me find a way for compassion to guide my Will (my principle desire/purpose) so I would treat myself in a more kind and rational manner rather than beating myself up when I did something 'wrong'.

My sessions with Margarita haven't been your typical talking therapies. Far from it. What also makes them unique and particularly effective is that she brings her own personality and life experiences to the fore to help me understand myself. This ranges from delving into etymology of language to dancing around the room performing basic tango. It's joyous!

I haven't felt this much at ease, self-confident and grounded in years. Rather than cowering at the thought of taking on the future and its plethora of potential problems, I'm excited by the challenge of pursuing my Will and creating the future that is most *me*.

Needless to say, I urge anybody and everybody to take the step to psycho-synthesise with Margarita, no matter who you are and where you're at in your life. If you're confused, stuck, fearful about anything or just want to learn more about yourself, get in touch with her! It could significantly change your life, like it has mine."

"Margarita enabled me to explore aspects of my self, which I may have ignored for some time or was not aware of. As a result of her guidance, I was able to give voice to them and identify their significance in my life to date and also identify where they were coming from - where the root of their influence lay in my deeper, hidden, less apparent self. This guidance through one's layers of consciousness is a revealing exercise as one makes sense of and unravels and is able to name the influences. This self-discovery leading to greater self-awareness is an empowering process, which enhanced my self worth.

Margarita was also excellent in her interaction with my twelve-year-old son who also participated in the sessions. She used a variety of techniques to draw him out and develop an understanding of his own self-worth and to explore and give voice to his own aspirations. He benefited from these sessions and always looked forward to participating in them."