A marriage no longer in trouble
Marion and Jack (names changed) called me because their marriage was in trouble and they were determined to find a way to stay together.
Their love for each other had not been extinguished, but the cracks in the relationship were serious.
I set up a special format for their sessions, to guide our joint conversations beyond the habitual patterns that had kept them trapped.
We began to uncover some of the 'underwater currents' that had been causing the cracks they'd worked so hard to cope with. Instead of coping with the cracks, we were able to divert the flow of how they functioned together into more productive patterns.
Sometime around our fifth session, Marion said something that signalled to me that the marriage was no longer in distress. We'd discussed how they would explain going out to the coaching sessions to their 13-year-old son. At first, when I suggested they could say they were taking care of the marriage, Marion had bristled. My phrasing was out of sync with how she was feeling: upset and betrayed, not at all in the frame of mind to 'tend the relationship'. She spoke of how it was rather in need of rescuing, not tending, and how her husband needed to sort out how he went about it. Five sessions later, when the topic of telling their son came up again, Marion spoke with surprise how the same phrase of 'taking care of their relationship' suddenly made sense. To me, it was an indication that the 'rescue' had been successful, and we were now in the much calmer territory of building up a new shape for their relationship for the future.Read full testimonial →